To start, I hope Europe will change me to compensate for all the stress it's causing me (D:<).
But I reminisce and remember that I expected to have drastically changed by now.
Why is change important? I see it like Buddhism, we are reborn, reborn, the bodies, ourselves, not attached to us, impermanent until we reach enlightenment, nirvana.
I thought high school would shape you, new experiences will give you wisdom and be your teacher in place of well, your ordinary teachers. I look back and I'm looking through the same self, I'm thinking with the same old stupid boring mind. I'm so surprised that I don't think I was really stupid a few months to a year ago. Remember when that was a thing? Looking back and knowing how stupid you were, consistent and inevitable and dreaded like monthly bleeding. I miss it now. It made me feel like I was getting smarter, making progress and getting somewhere instead of, blood standing still on a conveyor belt. I wonder, when is the next time to reminisce and feel recklessly stupid? Is that something that can be outgrown? Is there a threshold?
Would it be better if there were, or if there weren't?
It's what scares me. For the ones in my category I can see the grade 10s, 11s, 12s, their actions, behaviours similar to mine and mine will probably be similar to theirs. I see the popular older grades and they are just like the popular minor niners so I think hmm what have they learned?
How have they changed?
Is this proof personalities are hard to change, that there will be no more drastic changes and revelations are unreliable?
Is this the last point of evolution? When until the next metamorphosis?
On a separate note, I made a new blog for idle doodles. It might be updated once a week or something. That was a bad ending.