It's been proven that self-affirming mantras and reassuring statements spoken to oneself don't work in improving self-esteem. It only makes you feel like a double failure.
The new theory is not to think about your self-esteem.
Don't think about your self-esteem.
That's the inception of a paradox.
When a bond is real-ly powerful it reprograms our brain, especially when we're young and pliable. There are no set standards when it comes to friends. People are the result of various permutations of attributes. I can sort them in accordance to my context. This is how to define without generalizing: a family of characteristics, each member possessing at least one. Drama majors: extroversion, can't shut up, flirt flirt flirt, expressive, kiss-up. Other recognizable enclaves. It's in the spaces that don't overlap where we find the people who can capture us with their incredible rareness and magical aura.
When it comes to people and their many faces of course no one is an island. We all have to adapt our personalities to be at their most compatible with others and put on masks to impress. Since you don't have a true self, this is how you're defined and known as. That one facet. That's all stuff we know, that the sum of the parts is not greater than the parts themselves. Maybe this is how many people can fit into one personality, so compressed and contained that it's a rock solid defence. Everyone has that ready made description of requirements. No one is at a loss for words to describe them, having done so many times already. Deja vu, have I, I have, met you before.
Life is so repetitive sometimes. I really hate how high school is structured so that we spread ourselves thin over many acquaintances and lose ourselves more. It feels so strange knowing your 'friends' have their own close friends that you may or may not know. People's feelings can't be trusted.
It's like when adults think you can put two kids of the same gender and age and they'll automatically become friends. Go on. Make friends. Don't be shy. Never be shy.
More and more though, I'm starting to suspect that that's how things work, as long as the kids have compatible levels of prominence, determined by many factors, beauty being a main one. How depressing. Is adulthood like this? People being friends, close friends even because of convenience? Hey we're both prominent, live fairly close to each other, fit in the same social category same personality boom friendship. In Pretty little liars it's referred to as an instant pretty girl bond.
I find friendship in a closely knit group more natural instead of having many unrelated circles. Old friends should mean something more. Honesty and loyalty, a shared understanding. My parents say that as you go through life you'll aquire new friends and shed some old ones, grow into your new skin and find yourself again and again. They didn't say that, but basically, you move. People move. They and their physical location can't be trusted. Arbitrary convenience wins out again.
When it comes down to friends, high school, life, and dat lonely reality there, I'm just wondering.
Who makes these rules.
I need to write an angry letter. The other part of me wonders.
Maybe this is just natural selection.
Maybe I should evolve, or if not, quietly submit and let the new generation fill the space and increase the chance of survival in this ecosystem.
If people are becoming the same more and more, we're going to become more and more regulated in personality. It's like assimilation from the people you're close to. Diversity suffers. But if you want to
have a huge circle of friends you need to agree to the same unspoken consensus. Show just one face.
I'm going to speak personally; I really miss my old friends and people I was around. I didn't have to watch whatever I did or wonder who I was because I was them. Your friends have control over a large chunk of your personality.
You know those descriptions of people in the context of dating that can pop up anywhere? He/she's smart, funny, attractive. They match up perfectly with how girls describe their friends, to their face, in Facebook tbhs, when to others. You're SO funny! You're actually really smart and GORG <3
Lists good points, personal stories. It's like they're promoting this product in an advertisement.
Hey guys, more specifically, guy that she has a crush on, you know she's really smart and funny and beautiful??
OMG ilysm :*
Yeah that's right, better watch out guys this product is here for a limited time cuz I might snatched her away because I LOVE HER SO MUCH.
I thought that people need more qualities than that. I mean, a lot of people, especially girls, have those qualities. Doesn't one also need to be interesting?
Nonetheless, maybe we conform to that criteria because of hormones in adolescence, the need to be in a relationship. It could be part of the reason. Media and pop culture too. Peer pressure.
Anyway this turned out to be about a lot of things. I miss my old friends and classmates.